Heart, Soul, and Strength

 Who's going to be there by my bedside when all the people i love and with whom i have a relationship are gathered at my bedside tomorrow?  Not too many people these days with whom i've been spending time.  The only One who chooses to be with me--unconditionally---is Jesus.  i remember the day He saved me and i will never be the same.  In order to be honored by heaven i must sacrifice the honor of men, go against the opinions of the great thinkers and teachers of the time.  Truth has been unpopular these days just as they were when the Savior walked the earth.   Satan must be dancing in the streets.  Ever since he gave man the ideas of not relating to the Truth.  The devil himself knows the truth, so he is getting the biggest kick out of the unbelievers who deny the Savior and the Word.  How many folks will i alienate when my sincerity reveals the insincerity of others?  Just as Jesus experienced. He alienated the ones who want...

 Working at Walmart was like working in darkness.  It was hard to put any love into my work at Walmart.  It would've never gotten to the point of going back and shooting some lousy coworkers which happened recently elsewhere, but i would've never wasted my time and energy being disgruntled about Walmart and my coworkers.  The "Walmart Family" could never be considered a family of love.  Poor Sam would be turning in his grave if he saw what i saw in West Boylston.  At one time they said, "nothing good could come out of Nazareth," and i say, nothing good could come out of West Boylston Walmart. Show me the way, show me Your way, my blessed Savior, show me Your way to love unconditionally and help me erase my self-centeredness.  Loving unselfishly is difficult for a self-centered man like me.  Show me how to love the Christian way.  Not only those who supposedly are within the family of believers.  I know You want Your family to be known fo...

 Repentance is an on-going process.  i just don't repent once.  My life continues to be unholy.  My heart even still unclean.  i need to pray more and more during this process.    Create in me a clean heart O God.  And renew a steadfast spirit within me. -- [Psalm 51:10] Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols.  I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.  I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them. -- [Ezekeil 36: 25-27] Cleanse me from all my filthiness and from all my idol worship.  We are constantly revisiting one another just when i think i'm in the clear of them.  But we are all like an unclean thing And all our righteousnesses are like filthy rag...

 God has granted me His money and i accept His mission of philanthropy...of donating restfully.  These words in my heart are the words of the One indwelling inside.  This is my lesson i learned on Day 22 of my purpose-driven life.  i am called to suffer for Christ's sake, and compared to eternity, i know Jesus endured more than all the pain and suffering i can endure here on earth.   i cannot live on Rick Warren or Greg Senecal alone but by every word that proceeds through the pens of the prophets and Ellen White.  i'm not left here to bear my trials alone after the death of my parents.  i thought i'd be an orphan but now that i've accepted Christ as my personal Savior, i still have a family.  i'm proud to be considered one of His "little ones" safely beneath the shadow of His wings.  Now that's something for which to celebrate Thanksgiving!   All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned, every one, to his own way; And th...

  The Holy Spirit's got me covered!  One of my angels He assigns to me is guarding me so i am never alone.  i always have company!  The Holy Spirit's living in and looking at heart!  The best style of worship is the one that most authentically represents my love for God.  God assured me a long time ago that this is so.  i was doing nothing wrong at Freedom Worship Center--an ironic name for a church that imposed a worship style.  i'll let God handle them for that--stand up, hands up, sing these mundane out of key range music which takes up most of the service and the minister seemingly ill-prepared for his sermon.  Which could've been the reason for the long drawn out music selections.  Not for me. There's so much clamoring around me; and yet, i can find the separation  and the silence.  Now that's my kind of worship.  The Spirit of God has touched my soul so i need not despair if it seems He is absent.  The Holy Spir...

My mission has been kept before me, and i accept the holy trust, gentle and unobtrusive.  Lord Jesus, i'm willing to be Your disciple, one who finally gets it, one who truly understands You, who truly understands the mission.  Within this valley of the shadow of death i want to remain strong and clean and faithful and always trusting You and Your mission.  What may appear to me as audacity You view as authenticity.   Releasing my resentment and revealing my feeling is the first step to healing.  God, i need to know the next step in my mission.  i need Your nudges every day if possible.  i choose to obey You in faith.  i am Your friend, God, and i will do what You command.  Show me to value what You value, other than the cliché types of things that have been rehashed and rehashed over the past centuries.  Those who insult You, insult me.  Those who bash Christianity have no idea about having a relationship with Jesus and His unc...

i held You in contempt during the past 15 years.  Please forgive me as i confess that sin.  i misused Your gift of writing.  i wouldn't even acknowledge or name You.  i call You the "Creative Source" which You are but i didn't name You properly.  i confess that sin and i humbly ask that You forgive me.  Keep watching me as i strive to keep You smiling.  The man who used to dwell in and own my heart is dead.  My heart has been cleaned and washed out for Jesus Christ to move in.  Good luck to anybody who tries to evict Him. "And thus you shall eat it; with a belt on your waist, your sandals on your feet, and your staff in your hands.  So you shall eat it in haste...Then He called for Moses and Aaron by night, and said.  "Rise, Go out from among My people both you and the children of Israel.  And go serve the Lord as you have said.  --[Exodus 12:11, 31] Show me Lord how i can give my all, my 100% to You.  That's the...

 Here at the Gaslight Motel i shall constantly meet the deceit.  Yet i'm, with God's help, authorized to keep Jezebel's hands off any situation.  Even me.  i can be still.  i can keep my hands off the situation and have God push Jezebel on down the hallway.  He can trample on her like a serpent and scorpion, for she has the tongue of a serpent; the sting of a scorpion.  Sting this!  While i'm holding the Bible in my hand.  Anger.  Hatred.  i've hated my brother for a decade.  i know there's a long list of coworkers at whom i've been angry--even a few i've hated--the same with housemates--that's been my most serious transgressions during the past 15 years, and You haven't given me a thorn like Paul had.  You, my Heavenly Father, still love and adore me and keep me the apple of Your eye, and i rejoice in You finding me again, taking away the chains of smoking and being the best cardiologist i'll ever have on this earth....

 I forgive the smokers at the Gaslight Motel by burning incense to cover the stink of cigarettes and weed...two vices in which i had engaged myself when i was in bondage.  i am trying to learn to forgive and i'm trying to practice forgiveness more.  i'm beginning to see why God placed me here.  It's not to change the creepy way things seem to go here.  It's so that i learn to wait on the Lord, to not jump from dwelling to dwelling, apartment to apartment.  It's to learn to settle down.  i was almost heading to a place that i had no idea how the hell i was even getting to, let alone get my things there.  Let alone deciding what to bring and what to leave behind or toss.  i've done this messy stuff before and the only good that can come of it is having a lighter load to carry. Oh i have forgiven the creeps and i've already looked in my own mirror and have forgiven myself.  The poison of malice must be eliminated and that's by forgiving oth...

 The beautiful people are the saved people.  It's not about what we think politically.  It's not about you.  It's not about me.  It's not about what i want.  God wants His people to arrive so He can love them, and so His people can glorify Him because He deserves it.  He saved us through the gift of Jesus Christ and the mighty work He's completed so that we could be saved.  That's what God's purpose is for us, so i don't think He ever intended His children to kill other children, to not give life to what we consider "reproductive right."  Any honest Christian knows that now.  There is to be no double-mindedness on the issue from here on. ...having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will.  --[Ephesians 1:5] Abortion is not God's will.  We shall start serving the good pleasures of God.  We are all that important to Him.  Just because two adults can't...

 It's an honor to be hated by the world for loving the cross and most of all for believing in that empty tomb.  " Most assuredly I say to you that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; and you will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will be turned into joy." --[John 16:20]  The glory of God gives the city its lights.  Living for God's glory will be my greatest achievement.  Even among the serpents and scorpions will i seek to achieve what is bountiful to God for He runs this dwelling and it's here for some reason, and i'm here for some reason though i haven't figured it out yet.  But this isn't about me and it isn't about the serpents and scorpions and the heathens. i'm not in the dark anymore about what God is like because He's been illuminated by my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  It isn't about me.  It's about Him.  i could never become a light of this world without knowing Jesus.  The Word became Him and He walked thi...

  For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them --[Ephesians 2:10] i want to be one of them who are the called according to His purpose; or am i already?  Has He accepted me into the inner circle, and if so, what assignment does He have for me"  i'm praying for an answer.  i'm seeking the assignment.  The cross was not the end.  The empty tomb was the end.  i have met up with plenty of disappointments  this past three year.  Disappointments are His appointments. --J. T. Pierson Today i must bear them, for God will use them to build me up--to build my faith in Him.  To realize i can surrender the causes and let  Him take things from here.  Take things from here, O Lord.  i accept by faith the burden of my grief.  Fight the will of God and it will break me.  Accept the will of God and it will make me. For whom He foreknew, He also prede...

 My tears have been my food day and night, While they continually say to me, "Where is your God?"-- [Psalm 42:3] There was a time i hadn't even been living for God, even though i had bought a Bible not long after 9/11. t i did it to impress someone who had the same Bible.  This was an obsessive attraction--an unnatural one--to a guy. i never minded whether or not he caught me looking.  It was mostly loving this man from afar . 21 years later i'm not only living for God but i'm trying to the best of my human ability to live according to God's Will.  When I remember those things i pour out my soul within me, For I used to go with the multitude; I went with them to the house of God, With the voice of joy and praise, With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast. --[v. 4] i was never much of a church-goer after high school.  i had thoughts of being an Episcopal minister, but with college i got worldly and searched for other things beyond God.  i was huge on t...

 The Pharisee brags to God thanking Him that he's not like the tax collector--obviously a marginalized group in those days.  The tax collector, on the other hand, humbled himself before God, acknowledging himself as a sinner.  Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled and everyone who humbles himself will be exalted. --[Luke 18: 10-15] so tell me, i tell myself in the mirror, are you humbled before God and man?  Am I?  Can i be as a little child again?  Innocent and unassuming?  Is that the way i should think? Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.  --[Ephesians 6:11] In whatever state i am to be content. Can any good thing come out of Nazareth?  Can any good come out of West Boylston?  The Redneck City--city of white trash and gas-lighters?  The land of the working-class heathens who continue to make Dunkin' Donuts rich while getting fat and placated on sugar on their wa...

  There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit ---[Romans 8:1] i'm beginning to have that tendency to walk after the Spirit and not the flesh.  The old Facebook account is like a tattoo i can't scrub off.  The instructions to disable or delete the account are misleading.  i go to the link to do so and the options described in the instructions jut are not there, so i can't delete or disable my account.  Yet i do not fear.  i am no longer as "worldly" and "of the flesh" as i was when i contributed to that account.  People seeing the man i was before my death through the blood of Christ makes my testimony that much easier. My adversary, Satan, continues to make me feel accused and attempts to distract me.  But he is mistaken if he thinks i am afraid of others and what they think or say or accuse me of.  God sees into my heart that i've welcomed the gift of the Holy S...

 For me, life is becoming all about living for God and not myself because when i live for myself, i'm going to wind up offending somebody anyway. HIV medication ads are stomach turning to watch.  It frightens me that i once lived that lifestyle.  Living for God presents better choices because i am answering to Him and am not focused on my own selfish needs.  God loves and He's for me.  i'm able to meditate on the love He has for me.  That's why i'm here on this earth!  So God can love me!  How could anyone dispute that? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? -- [Romans 8:32] He gave me His Son, so i know He'll give me more love than i could even give myself or from other worldly individuals.  He knows what i need.  When i love myself, my ego gets in the way and other people irritate me and i focus on the irritations and if i were to focus on the l...