Heart, Soul, and Strength

 May my adversaries be not able to contradict or resist, even adversarial parents, brothers, relatives and friends even to my death.  i will die for You, Lord, even when counterfeit Christians who don't matter anyway deny You three times.  Demons of delusion will be running rampant.  This is the age of lunacy.  Age of reprobate.  This isn't an age of mind over matter, it's an age of mind no matter.  There are too many people now sending strong delusions for their own personal gain.  We'd better wise up because the journey is about to come to an end. O God, Your way and Your plan for my life outshines anything the Enemy or myself could ever come up with within the time of my earthly existence.  Now i'm going to begin asking You if this is or isn't a wise decision or am i going on earthly wisdom.  Is this me engineering this decision or is it Your will?  Am i using my talents wisely--the ones You were generous enough to grant me in or...

 There's no sense in making friends with the world.  Lord, i would never dream of becoming Your enemy again.  Thank You for welcoming me home.  If You want, i will sing at Your Wedding.  Or i will recite a poem that glorifies You.  Your Holy Spirit which dwells in me may yearn as jealously as You wish.  i have had the yearning to wear the Taking The Rainbow Back , and i've been doing it since Independence Day.  And have i ever felt free!  i've felt it even when i roamed the quiet, empty streets and as i sat alone at the public library!  i'm sure more than one person took note at the website address displayed on it!  And the glory goes to the Lord. ...like a jasper and a sardius stone in appearance.  And around the throne was a rainbow in appearance like an emerald...   i'm guilty of thinking evil of my brethren.  Just because i speak no evil doesn't pardon me.  Lord, help me to have Your light in my hea...

"...and they shall call His name Immanual..." - [Matthew 1:23]  He is a being for whom the human race can take no credit at all.  When i was born again, His birth is in me.  He came into me from the outside, just as He came into the world.  From the outside.  i must be born again is a fact, not a command. I must walk in the light as He is in the light.  - [1 John 1:7] My natural life must submit to the spiritual.   i must be in a continual conversion every day walking in the light or be in bondage.  i must measure up by His light.  Confidence in my own natural virtues can only cause back-sliding.  Every virtue i possess is His alone.  i know You require an account of what is past.  i will not go out with haste.  i will let the Lord go before me. You ask and do not receive because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. - [James 4:3]  You know, Heavenly Father, what i was asking for in Your Timber ...

 i am puny and weak when it comes to battling Satan on my own.  Even though he's already a defeated foe. i can certainly lack integrity in my days and Satan plays on that.  The way i talk about my own inabilities is an insult to the Creator.  There's no way God could ever pass me by.  i may have passed Him by during my lifetime, but now i intend to make better decisions about that.  Being humble to others is being defiant to God.  Who thinks like that?  Thank You, Lord, i am saved and sanctified.  i am one with You!  That's what You intend for me, and You make the morning glorious every morning i wake up!  Thank You for making that Your intention.  If You feel it necessary to bruise me today, i accept that; after all You bruised Your own Son. "And for their sakes I sanctify Myself; that they also may be sanctified by the truth." - [John 17:19] The grace of God is absolute and limitless, and the work of salvation through Jesus i...

  What's it going to take to get the godless and unrighteous who sin for the pure enjoyment of it...like i used to do...selfish enjoyment.  What' it going to take to receive the love of the truth or the truth about His love.  Is it that fashionable to be so anti-Christian?  And with all unrighteous deception among those who perish, because they did not receive the love of the truth, that they might be saved.  And for this reason God will send them strong delusion, that they should believe the lie, that they all may be condemned who did not believe the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness. -- [Thessalonians 2: 10-12] Do they think they will beat God to the punch?  Do they figure they'll turn their backs on Him when He's already turned His back on them?  He's not just a figurehead.  Jesus Christ is salvation.  There was a time when i didn't consider myself as a good or bad seed.  i considered myself a wild seed.  To liv...

 i don't need to impress upon anybody that i'm not shallow.  Contempt for others is produced by spiritual pride trying to prove to others that i'm not shallow.   A disciple is not above his teacher.  i must never show the depth of my life to anyone other than God.  To take no one seriously other than God.  i am learning to have a total reliance on God.  My partner went to the March on Washington in 1993 so i'd better go.  i don't know exactly what i was doing there; besides, i was stoned most of the time anyway.  There was no dignity on my part; i was focused on guys, was never going into the military anyway.  The only sign of any dignity was the two gay WWII veterans on a bench, holding up a sign that read something about serving in the Second World War and being queer.  i forgot exactly what the sign said, but i remember we had taken a picture of them.  Anyway, i've given the rainbow back. Unto You I lift up my eyes, O Y...

 God decides when the battles are over.  i love America because i love God most!  "You did not choose Me but I chose you and appointed you that you should go bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.  - [John 15:16] The great secret of joy in having a relationship with Jesus Christ is that He helps me to give up my right to myself. The Holy Spirit helps in my weaknesses.  i do not always know what i should pray for but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for me with groanings which cannot be uttered. - [Romans 8:26] Dear Lord, may the Holy spirit make intercession for me with groanings that can't be uttered, and i'm sure that doesn't mean speaking in tongues.  i swear if i hear Andrew Wommack go on and on about speaking in tongues, i'm going to give the latest book i have by him away to a better cause than me. Just because Paul says that Christ sanctioned him to preach the gospel doesn't ne...

 Since i reconnected with the Trinity, since i'm again plugged in, i welcome solitude because i know it's with Them.  People are becoming a pain to bear.  i could see why there could be pew rage, even with self-righteous folks who want you to act like they do in church on Sunday mornings.  No thank you.  Not for me.  God, if we Christians can't get along, imagine the joy Satan is feeling right now.  Just like experiencing the viewing of the Men's World Cup at the Saxe Room at the Public Library last December, i would do just as well and would enjoy Churon Sunday morning watching it from home. So, the folks will say, "You can't get along with anybody, doing anything!  You must be lonely!"  The issue of being alone is far less important than being unable to relate to somebody anyway.  Maybe it's a curse or a blessing, but God has given me a gift to peel beneath all the layers of the onion when people talk.  i can hear what a person is...

 If i'm going to live to be over 100 years old, You're going to have quite the plan for me, Lord...quite the mission.  "Many will say to Me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, have not we prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?'  And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness."  ---[Matthew 7:22-23] The moment i put my trust in the Lord, all record of my sins will be erased and my slate wiped clean.  Dear Lord, restrain me from my impulsiveness because it only gets my tires stuck in the mud and tires You to the point when You should ignore me. The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe."  - [Proverbs 29:25] Watch out for Mr. In-Between.  My personal limits of working with my coworkers over the years.  As far back as 1986.  It only took one.  Then it spread like a cancerous growth for nearly 40 years.  Plu...

 It's not about my agony; it's about Christ's agony... Lord, i must go to You as Your child because only a child gets his prayers answered.  A "wise" man does not.  My job, my duty now is to pray and to glorify You.  My job is believing, not doing.  i put it in me a while back to let You sanctify me---a choice it took me a while to make because i didn't choose to catch on for years.  And even when i did, i couldn't hold it in my mitt.  i committed many unforced errors.  It's not a matter of longing for Christ, it's a matter of being active in becoming blessed as i receive His sacrifice and His blood as a free gift left right at my doorstep.   Now i've got to keep clear of negative influences which cloud my judgment; that means putting all my trust in You, Lord, and accepting any circumstances that tests my trust.  If it comes down to loving one another, boy!-- that's quite a test!  i can love You without seeing You because i've...

  The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.  What can man do to me?" --[Psalm 118:6] To be independent of You is wrong-being.  i belong to You.  You made Your own Son to be sin.  That You might make the sinner into a saint.  Jesus took on the entire sin of the human race.  Only God can save and sanctify.  Atone for sin.  Right what is wrong.  Purify the impure.  The greatest need i have is to believe, not do anything.  Believe, not do.  i place all my trust in the atonement. i trust in the atonement.  It's painful work to abide in You and to keep in step with You. As one of Your elected ones, may i be a delight to Your soul.  Like King David?  Though i could never compare myself to anyone.  You cannot be quenched through smoking forest fires and floods and tornadoes.  Nor should You be expected to.  i know that it's painful work to abide in You and rely on You so that i am not lonely.  Yet...

Silent in the face of evil?  i don't think so.  That would not be pleasing to You, Lord, would it?  Your Holy Spirit is with me, so You are holding me accountable.  Help me to shut out the voice of the enemy, telling me "This can't be done.  Don't do anything.  i will wake up now!  i will act!  Appoint me, Lord!  Call me to the moment!  i'm getting on board with You, God.  All hands on deck!  i want to be more than a "trust fund" baby!  i've already determined to take it out of the church building and get out there!  No more cheap grace! All have gone off-course, whether i chose to or not, Lord.  Yet that won't change Your plan for me one iota!  You created me for Yourself!  You so love the world!  If i could explain exactly what and where i was exactly when i was reborn, then i have to really question whether or not i was really reborn at that time.  i think it dawned gradually on me after i ...

 i've been drawn away by my own desires and enticed and always am in danger of repeating the transgression.  It is You, dear Lord, who provides me with the heart to quench this desire by making sure Your Spirit in me is never quenched.   Good morning, Abba.  Thank You for keeping me at peace and at rest.  Satan would love to tempt me to abandon what You've put into me.  He tries to vanquish the Spirit in me.  Thanks to You, i've got a different point-of-view and Satan would dance in the streets to see me backslide and wander away like the Prodigal Son.  i hope to have already shoveled out my last pig sty.   In my spiritual life, there are still natural affections to distract me and the devil is more than happy to set up the circumstances to do just that.  That's going to happen to me now and for the rest of my life.  The true expression of Christian character is not in good-doing ,but in God-likenesses.  The Lord is m...

 I, indeed, but He... i've been baptized with the Holy Spirit and fire.  Father, You give life.  Your Son gives life.  Both of You are One.  You have the right to drag every wrong thing i've done into the light.  It's my right of passage.  Yet, i'm not worthy to remove the sandals from Your feet and You'd wash mine?  i'm far from being a good child.  i'm always cross toward others.  Suspicious and annoyed.  Lord, i know You understand and that You forgive me for this.  Even though i can be impatient, You are so patient with me.  When i am thinking bad thoughts about others, You are still thinking good thoughts about me.   Common sense is not faith.  Faith is not common sense.  Shall i endure the testing of my faith?  i mustn't put the emphasis on service or become obsessed with being useful to You.  You will take care of that.  You've got this.  You will determine my usefulness and w...

  And He who sat there was like a jasper and a sardius stone in appearance; and there was a rainbow around the throne in appearance like an emerald. -  [Revelation 4:3] God You seem to plant Your saints in the most useless places.  At times i have no use for these creeps with whom i dwell.  However i know You wouldn't have it any other way.  If You want me here because You think i can bring more glory to You, then i'll make do.  You chose me because i have no value.  i'm humbled and my money is not mine.  My money is Yours, and not only that, i am simply of no value.  i'm sure my brother and many people around here and at the library think i am of no value as well. Yet Your Son has said that i will be one of those who shall inherit the kingdom; now, shouldn't that be all that matters?  i can't wait to see what You'll put into me because as i look back over my past i haven't contributed much of anything.  i certainly don't have many ...

 Clouds are the sorrows, sufferings, or providential circumstances.  If there were never any clouds in our lives, we'd have no need for faith.  And now, more than ever, we need to align with You, Lord.  Help me to convince others in this Day of Grace that they need to get on board and become participants in the upcoming Wedding.  This should be a day of disillusionment--no more misconceptions, false impressions, false judgments in life.  Carelessness is an insult to the Holy Spirit.  We tend to be true only to the misconceptions we have of one another.  Refusing to be disillusioned is the cause of life's strife.  Christ lingered in Jerusalem and His parents didn't know it.  They discovered was was missing and returned to Jerusalem yet did not find Him for three days.  Why did you seek Me?  Did you not know that I must be about My Father's business?" - [Luke 2:49]  So here He's 12 and would have only 21 years more to inhabi...

 You are perpetually fresh water and air overtaking the cacophony of noises and the reek of smoke in a world where California and Canada burn and burn.  Character must be developed as i was not born with character.  It is neither a natural or supernatural gift.  With Your help i will develop the character to suit your needs and the missions You have in store for me.  Will i ever be able to actually bend over and wash somebody else's feet?  Or wrap a child's club foot?.  i have a problem when it comes to watching ads for Mercy Ships and Humane Society.  How i cannot stand such shows popping on my screen like Dr. Pimple Popper.  i must surf right through!   Someone may observe me at the bus stop or in the library and think i gave up everything in retirement just to read and think.  i would gladly resign from the human race if only there was another one to belong to.  One that would be better.  The Heavenly Race?  i...

 Lord, You are a true friend, so tell me about Your secret joys.  Too often it's all about me.  And that isn't fair to You.  You deserve an audience who cares about what You are concerned about.  Of course, i would think You care about everything because You are the only One capable of doing that.  Help me have the wisdom to be more humble and less selfish.  i'm so willing to wait on You and Your teaching.  i need more quiet time with You.  i need more quiet time with Your word, even though i'm not as receptive as i like to be or as understanding as i'd like to be.  Keep showing me the right and narrow way.  It's up to me to decide how willing i am to let go of the world and forsake its ways.  Help me seek and find whatever is in alignment with You according to Your Word. i want to know about to whom i'm speaking.  So tell me Your joys.  This world is one huge net and You've promised to keep my feet in the right and n...

  "...i do not pray for the world but for those whom You have given Me, for they are Yours." -[John 17:9]  And thank You for including me; that You consider me to be all Yours; so now, i am working on being patient.  Focused on being one with the Trinity.  Walk with me as the world begins to hate me because i am one with You.  May they find in themselves the wisdom to become one with You as well.  May the world abandon itself to know Your word with abandon.  Thank You for sanctifying me by the truth. "... that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they may also be one is Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me."  - [V. 21] Your Holy Spirit has been given to me.  Jesus, You are glorified!  You rose again on the third day and ascended into Heaven, and just because of that, i am able to rest and sleep in stillness tonight, for i know You are on another night watch, providing protection for my soul, as i ...

  The carnal mind is an enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. -Romans 8:7]  i am a son of God led by the Spirit of God.  i've been adopted.  The prodigal son has returned home.  He's given me the first fruits of His Spirit, so why shouldn't i give Him what He so rightly deserves?  What's the use of hoping for something i can see?  i'm sure when i sleep at night there are groanings which cannot be uttered.  You've known all the time i'd be conformed to the image of Your Son.   Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. - [Philippians 2:3]  i can't be as dependent on myself as i used to be.  i don't feel a need to be glorified.  i feel the need to do better glorifying Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father.  i always thought that eternal life comes after i die; eternal life began when i surrende...

 i hear a lot of people say they don't believe in God.  i suppose that leaves them off the hook about believing in Jesus and not reading the Bible.  i'm wondering why Jesus says, "if it weren't so I would have told you," instead of just saying, "I'm telling that in My Father's house are many mansions and I'm going to prepare a place for you."  People seems to hear the if there were not many mansions in My Father's house and have concluded that there is no heaven at all.  i can't answer for what people think.  i wouldn't want to be challenged to read anybody's mind.   i hear a lot of people say that Jesus is not God.  i can only refer them to Hebrews chapter one, verse eight and let them draw their own conclusions.  i don't think i'm worthy of evangelism.  i think God has something else in store for me to do, since i've never been married.  Since i repented from the gay lifestyle.  There must be a reason He put me t...