I Was the Prodigal Son
My tears have been my food day and night, While they continually say to me, "Where is your God?"--[Psalm 42:3]
There was a time i hadn't even been living for God, even though i had bought a Bible not long after 9/11. t i did it to impress someone who had the same Bible. This was an obsessive attraction--an unnatural one--to a guy. i never minded whether or not he caught me looking. It was mostly loving this man from afar . 21 years later i'm not only living for God but i'm trying to the best of my human ability to live according to God's Will.
When I remember those things i pour out my soul within me, For I used to go with the multitude; I went with them to the house of God, With the voice of joy and praise, With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast.--[v. 4]
i was never much of a church-goer after high school. i had thoughts of being an Episcopal minister, but with college i got worldly and searched for other things beyond God. i was huge on the theater. Going to play rehearsals became more important to me than going to church because i didn't have my mother around to monitor my activities. i was free. i was the prodigal son.
Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls; All Your waves and billows have gone over me.--[v. 7]
i used to get lost in a nearby gorge where the white noise created by the wind through the trees and the whoosh! of water flowing down a creek blocked out the voice of God and i was listening to the voices of my own self-will and imaginings. i loved those days! Sometimes i long to go back to the gorge but the last time i was there, nearly 40 years ago, the college had built a fence to keep drunk students out of the gorge for fear somebody would fall into a ravine.
I will say to God my Rock, "Why have You forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?"--[v. 9]
And i have encountered enemies in the churches. Christians hating Christians. There were just as many enemies glaring and staring at me in the parking lot as we walked to our cars after the Sunday morning services, thank God there was football on television later that day. Was it because i was the only one alone? Were they being judgmental? Were they suspicious?
As with the breaking of my bones, My enemies reprach me, While they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"--[v. 10]
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