What Do I Fear the Most?

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 Living the rest of my life in loneliness, being an orphan not able to fight loneliness in a wise, godly manner.  Who has the potential to hurt me?  Myself...and because I want to blame somebody else of whom i can't even think i can only deceive myself and hurt myself even further...

Who hurts me frequently?  Coworkers.  It's happened more and more this past year.  What areas of my life do i tend to overemphasize?  My work experiences, my church experiences, my relationship and friendship experiences, recalling how my parents had few friendships which didn't seem to last.  Exactly what I'm going through.

I used to feel uncomfortable in circumstances which made me feel I had to pull a "Raymond Burr" because I realized what people assumed when I told them I was never married with children.  In what or whom do I put all my hopes and dreams for the future?  Godly relationships, young and old coming full circle and I am becoming a minister; something I thought about being back in high school.

Until I am willing to take responsibility for my failures I will be unwilling and unable to do anything about them.  God is working toward reestablishing a perfect creation once again.  No longer will I abuse the gift and promise of choice He has given me.  I chose to abuse the gift of choice for so long.  Feelings of emptiness and insecurity caused me to repeat my actions when I was tempted again and again; idleness is one of my downfalls, that's when I'm most vulnerable.

As long as I seek to gain my significance and worth from anything other than God, I will be set up for temptation. I am now beginning to renew my mind to the truth.  

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